How To Alienate Your Beta Reader

If you hate your beta reader for giving you their honest opinion on your writing, here are some fool proof ways to alienate them, so they’ll never want to beta read for you again.

It’s so easy, you’ll wonder why you never thought of this before.

Insult your beta reader’s intelligence

This is a no-brainer. Nobody likes to be made to feel stupid.

Tell your beta reader things like “You obviously don’t grasp the meaning of (…)”, or “Yes, my stories are written in American English. This might also be the reason you despise my wording so much”, and you’ll make it to their blacklist in no time flat.

You won’t have to worry about them wanting to bother reading for you again. Ever.

Alienate your beta reader with your sarcasm

How-To-Alienate-Your-Beta-Reader: Be sarcastic

Come back at your beta reader’s suggestions with sarcastic remarks. Here are some of my favourites.

  • Next, you tell me I overuse “and”.
  • Yes, I get it that you don’t like descriptions that go beyond stating the facts.
  • Accepted. This time.

Get defensive about your writing

How-To-Alienate-Your-Beta-Reader: Get defensive

Another great way to fall from grace. Defend your writing and explain why your beta is wrong about their interpretation of your story.

Explain why your beta reader is wrong for laughing at that tragic scene. Explain the gaps in your narrative, or why you are switching tenses all the time. Explain why there is so much tell and so little show.

After all, it’s your story, and if your beta reader doesn’t like it, it’s their problem and not yours.

It can’t possibly have anything to do with your writing. It’s just them being thick.

Right?

Tell your beta reader you don’t care for their feedback

Tell them where to stick their feedback

Something like this would do just fine:

Never mind. I won’t comment on everything you consider wrong in my writing. You don’t like it? Fine with me.

After all, your beta reader only gave a couple of hours (or maybe days, or weeks — depending on the length of your MS) of their time to read your work and provide you with their feedback.

There was absolutely no need for them to be so honest.

Now they hurt your feelings, and you’ll make sure to tell them just how insensitive they were.

Sit back and relax

If you followed these steps, you can now sit back and relax, secure in the knowledge you’ll never have to deal with that obnoxious beta reader again.

To be continued

How to Alienate Your Beta Reader

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